Something to Sleep To
by Bri-chan
Summary: When Ryan goes to UC Berkeley with Taylor, he finds himself missing Seth. [RyanTaylor, RyanSeth]


"Aren't you just so excited Ryan?" Taylor gushed as she held a cardboard box in her arms, in route to her dorm room. They had just arrived at their dorm at UC Berkeley, and the long arduous task of unpacking was just beginning. 

Ryan smiled, but it was strained under the weight of another box, as he was designated to carry the heavy things for both of them. "Once we finish this, I will be," he grunted.

Taylor giggled. "I'll never get tired of your brand of humor!"

It hadn't been a joke, but Ryan decided not to correct her. He followed her into the building, where they both lived, but they lived in separate rooms, as the individual rooms were _not _co-ed. The beds were already set up, so he gingerly placed the box onto Taylor's bed. "What is in here?"

"Oh, just all the books and movies that I know I can't live without," she explained as she opened the box and started taking some out. "I couldn't possibly leave my Death Note manga at home!"

"Are those like Seth's comic books?" he asked, not with great interest; he only asked to stop a rant about whatever series she was talking about from forming.

Taylor gasped, horror written all over her face. "Why Ryan Atwood, of course not! Those comic books and manga are quite different, you know. I'll have to explain the difference to you once we're done."

That sounded like it could've come from Seth, and the thought made him smile a little wistfully. "Sometimes, it scares me how similar you can be to Seth."

"We may have similar interests Ryan, but other than that we are no way alike," she claimed with a huff.

Ryan raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Which is why you used to have a crush on him?"

Taylor sighed dramatically. "Oh Ryan, that was so far in the past, why bring it up now?" She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "We're here, together, and that's all that matters."

Knowing no way he could respond to such a sappy sentiment with words, he instead placed his hands on her hips and kissed her. It was supposed to be a sweet, light affair, but it quickly escalated into something more passionate. After a few minutes of intense tongue action, they broke apart.

"We can continue this after we finish unpacking… right?" Taylor asked with a hopeful, subtly naughty grin. Ryan couldn't resist such a look so he nodded and led her outside, his hand on the small of her back.

It only took two weeks for homesickness to settle in for Ryan. He missed Sandy and Kirsten… but more than anyone, he missed Seth.

He missed his mannerisms, his rambling manner of speech. He missed long nights spent together watching ninja movies, or pouring over Seth's latest obsession. Even though he'd never admit it out loud, he missed his long, verbose complaints about anything… and not just because they gave him the opportunity to use his dry humor, though that was a huge part of it. He missed that bright smile directed only at him.

Ryan had had a secret. Sometime during his senior year, when Seth started talking about attending Brown and leaving him behind in California (he never said the last bit, though that's how he had interpreted it), he realized that he had real feelings for Seth.

At first, he had thought it was just brotherly love, but did brothers ever feel that possessive? Later, he certainly _knew_ that brothers weren't supposed to let their eyes linger when in the pool, or out of the shower.

Even though he had felt pain, Seth was so _happy_ at the prospect of going to Providence… and it was very clear that he only loved Summer. So instead of voicing his feelings aloud, he gave him his blessings.

When Marissa died, though… he forgot about all of this. Her death had obliterated every feeling he had besides fury and utter despair. At least, not until…

"What are you doing in here all by your lonesome?" a familiar, welcome voice inquired. "You aren't brooding again, are you?"

Ryan lifted his gaze to Taylor's disapproving one and ventured a smile. "Yes, you caught me."

She let out an exasperated noise and stomped into the room. "There's a party going on down the hall, and you will join me and you i _will_ /i enjoy it!" she demanded, grabbing Ryan's arm and pulling him up. Ryan let himself be taken out of the room; while he wasn't in the mood for a bunch of teenagers getting drunk, it would at least be somewhat entertaining.

When they arrived, though, there was only one person there. Taylor scrunched her face in confusion. "Hey, what just happened to the party? It was here a minute ago!"

The boy smirked and replied, "When we couldn't get our hands on a keg, everyone left."

Taylor sighed, feeling annoyed, while Ryan was grateful. "We don't need a party anyway," he told Taylor as they left the room.

She grinned. "Ryan Atwood, are you proposing that we should have some alone time?"

"It'd be a lot better than a party," he answered honestly, as he had never been the partying type.

"I like the way you think," she giggled, "How about we go to my room and I can introduce you to the Death Note anime?"

"Anime? I thought it was a manga," Ryan said, unable to keep up with all these Japanese terms.

"It's both, silly!" As Taylor began to expand on anime and manga, he found his thoughts briefly drifting to his previous musings. Taylor was similar to Seth in this regard, and he'd be lying if he said that that had nothing to do with his attraction to her.

But Taylor _wasn't_ a substitute for Seth. He didn't look at her and think of Seth, or wish he was with him; rather, he saw Taylor, the girl who had pulled him out of his emotionless stupor when even Seth couldn't.

She noticed the smile that had crept onto his face and the faintly distant look to his eyes. "Ryan, have you even been listening to me?" Ryan winced, and Taylor knew she was right. "I'll let it slide on the condition that you tell me what you've been thinking about."

Telling her the full truth would just cause unnecessary drama, so he revised it. "I'm happy to be here." _With_ _you,_ he left unsaid. When the words left his mouth, he realized how true it was. He missed Seth, but he wanted to be here, with Taylor.

She seemed to understand. "I'm happy to be here too," she said with a warm smile. She leaned in and they kissed softly, and all was right in the world.

Though, Ryan reasoned, a threesome wouldn't be a bad idea at all… and Taylor seemed to like threesomes. But that's a thought for another day.


End file.
